Do you ever just sit back and look at your life and wonder...what the heck is going on?  For me it's something I do all the time.

Lately I have been in one of my moods where I am just thinking screw it all.  Does anyone else ever feel like this?  Seriously, I could just lock myself in my house and exclude myself from most of the world.  I am tired of everything!!!  Tired of work, tired of drama and really just tired of people.  I don't mean it ugly, but sometimes it is just too much.

Am I Depressed???  NO, I am not...my tolerance for people is just at zero.  I go through these phases where I just feel like everyone is trying to push me to my edge, so for me I choose to escape the situation and be by myself.  Being by myself makes me happy...it's quiet and peaceful and I can just relax and nothing in the world can bother me.  These feelings exclude only my sweet husband and my Momma.

Just yesterday I was sitting talking to Mark and just bust out crying.  Most of the time he just thinks I am crazy he knows I have my little melt downs occasionally so I guess he is use to them.  I think there are just a lot of things going on in my head....I just need time to process.

My job is super stressful, and it has been stressful to the breaking point the past few months.  People act like butt holes every day and I just have to deal with it, my work load is enormous and I am just exhausted.  The past two months I have been having a hard time sleeping at night, I am so tired but I just can't sleep.  I just had my 29th birthday.  I don't know why but this was the whole thing that started my crying the other night.  I just feel like time is flying by and that I have just woke up and realized I am getting older.  I feel like I am behind on everything.  Most day's I just joke about how old I am.  All of our friends are several years younger than me, but for some reason this birthday hit me hard.  It's like a slap in the face!!!  In 350 days my 20's are GONE!

I know there are way worse things in the world that are going on...I am not an idiot.  Your probably thinking I am a selfish person...I'm not!  I am just stressed.  I feel like I just can't get things accomplished at home because I am tired.  I feel like I am just going through every day and my life is just passing on by.  I spend so much time worrying about other people, trying to do everything right and over analyzing every situation and it makes me MAD!  I am tired of wasting my life on all this stupid stuff.  I am done worrying over trying to keep people happy...duh April this is your life.  Can someone pinch me now?  I need to realize the only people I need to worry about is my family and my husband.  I need to leave work at work and do what I want to do and not what others expect me to do.  I just wish I could...I say it, I know it in my heart but doing it is a totally different story.

I need to try to start doing better.  I need to stop worrying over dumb stuff and realize that I have to do things for myself and 2012 is going to be the year it will happen!  I'm done with so much of this krap floating around in my life.  Next year I am forgetting about all this stuff..people, work, and life is not going to continue to bring me down.  Call me self centered...call me what ever you would like, but next year I am going to do what I WANT to do and if anyone doesn't like it then that's their problem :)  They can get over it or get out of my life...

Anyone else planing on making 2012 the year that they start doing things for themselves?  If so good for you!!!