Are you a loyal person?  I think I am for the most part  :)  Tonight I sit and ponder a lot of things about life, but especially my employment.  We all know economic times are hard and companies are squeezing everywhere they can....it's expected.  Where does it come to the point that enough is enough?

I consider myself an outstanding employee.  I am at work every day (sick or not), I am on time, I work my butt off and I try to schedule any appointments when I am on vacation.  Seriously the only day I called into work was last year when I had the Flu and I only missed one day! I can not think of any other time that I have called into work in the over 8 years I have worked there!!!  In my opinion that is dedication.  You don't find many people with my work ethic, without a doubt you can count on me.

Over the past few years things have really changed at my job.  Our company went bankrupt and we were bought out by another company.  I was thankful because I got to keep my job.  However over the past few years things just seem to be pure craziness (in my mind).  First we lost our 401K match, then our health insurance premiums went up, no raises in 3 years, we go through phases where they cut our hours (because we are slow), and the work load has exceeded what any one person is capable of handling in a work day.  Honestly, I am a understanding person and most of this stuff hasn't bothered me too bad.  Where my problem comes from is the every day stress.  I am talking about to the point that it is not unusual for me to sit at my desk twice a week and cry because I just feel like I can't take it anymore.  That is my breaking point!  I hate waking up each morning knowing what I am about to deal with for 8 hours.  Sometimes it gets to the point where I have to come home from work and take a nap because my stress level is so high I just can't do anything else.  It's very depressing.  So what do you do?

For starters there are not a ton of jobs out there.  Most are not paying what I make, and they are a longer drive for me each day (right now I have a 15 min drive to work).  The next thing is despite the conditions I really love what I do....  It's tough!  I will start looking for new jobs and then I stop.  I like being great at what I do, if I go somewhere else I have to start all over.  Wonder if I take another job and hate it?  Wonder if it is boring?  Wonder if I don't like the people?  Then what do I do?  It's so stressful.

I am at the point of seriously  looking for other options.  Some things have gone on recently that have just made me sick.  I feel like I am not valued and I feel cheated.  I know we all feel this way sometimes.  I am by no means saying I am not thankful to have a job because I am.  I just don't think your job should make you cry all the time and feel helpless.  I don't think you should work your butt off each day and be a poster child of a loyal and great employee and not be thanked for your hard work.  I have worked hard at this place for over 8 years and I think I deserve better.  We all have bad days at work, but when bad days turn into weeks, months and years there is a problem.  Trust me I am not the only one who feels this way.

So I try to make a list of pros and cons in my head....  My main thing about taking another job is Mark.  I don't want to leave him alone at that place.  I am the one who talked him into working there and I feel guilty to leave him there.  I love working with my husband, and if it wasn't for him I probably would have been long gone.  Even he feels my stress and has given me his blessing to look for something else, but at the end of the day I don't want to leave him.  The next thing is like I said earlier I love what I do.  It's not the same thing day after day and I have to stay on my toes and think which I love.  For the most part I love our customers who I have come to know so well after working for them for so long...they always sing my praises and I would miss them.  I would miss some of the people too, most of us have worked together since I started over 8 years ago.  I don't like change and that really scares me.  Being the new person freaks me out.  Maybe I could find a better job with more benefits or better working conditions. I just don't know.

Now that I am 29 I have to start looking at things differently.  In years to come my life will be changing.  One day I will have children and with the way things are I worry that the stress I deal with on a daily basis will affect my home life.  I have to think about how the older you get the less likely you are to get hired by companies.  If a change is to be made now is the time to start making a plan....  Decisions decisions, oh life....why do you have to be so hard?